In the spirit of keeping our friends and family updated on baby news, I am going to cross post some of my blogs from my other site – Talia, She Wrote.
Today was a hectic day. Meeting after meeting. Project after project. Email after email. I cranked all day. But there was something that was never far from my mind today.
Today, our little girl, our second baby, was due. I felt such hope about that pregnancy. Surely after our first loss, G-d would help us keep this baby. All the signs were there. We found out we were pregnant on Dan’s birthday. The baby was due on 3/3, one of the alternate dates we picked for our wedding. But also, if the baby was born on 3/3, we would share a hebrew birthday 13 Adar. We would both be Purim babies. And if this baby came two weeks late (just like I did) we would share an English birthday. My in-laws, my stepmother and I all share March birthdays. See?! So many signs.
But that little girl was not meant to come home with us. She was very ill, we found out after we lost her and it was (we learned from the doctor) better that she wasn’t born. But she and her older sibling (due 12/13/14) are never far from my mind. I wear a little heart necklace all the time now. It reminds me of the two little hearts that aren’t here with us. I know that they are in our hearts though and their little brother who, G-d willing, will join us in June will be a very special part of our family.
A loss mom said to me once, “I was so sad about my miscarriage but after I had my son, I realized that without that loss, I wouldn’t have the amazing boy I have today.”
So I was sad on 12/13/14 and 3/3/15 but I am so thank-full and joy-full that this little man is growing perfectly inside me. Baby Boy Haykin – we can’t wait to meet you! (But stay safe in there as long as you need to!!)
Life can change in a blink of an eye. Everything is so delicate. We may not realize it because our world is hard and fast but it’s not always. And in the most tragic times, we often close up on ourselves and stay quiet. We create a safe space and control that space. But as I think about this, I am reminded of an episode of the Dennis Prager show’s “Male/Female Hour.” He discusses the importance of having ‘couple’ friends that you can open up to. Often we lie or ‘vaguebook’ or pretend that the world is so perfect for us when in reality we are struggling just like everyone else. And why can’t we share? Well we are afraid someone will exploit this knowledge of us or we won’t be seen as perfect. Continue reading
We are currently sharing a car as his blew up prior to a camping trip. He needed it yesterday for work so he dropped me off at my job in the morning. He came to pick me up after work. We had talked about maybe working out that afternoon but first we HAD to stop by the garden. It had been a rainy and cool few days and with Yom Kippur, we hadn’t been to the garden in a couple of days. He lured me there with the notion that our watermelon… yes we grew a watermelon!!! might be ready.
That day I had forwarded him an email from the minyan (a lay led synagogue) that we had been attending, suggesting that we should join and do a couples membership. He told me “Whoa, lo0k you have to give me a night to think about this. Joining a synagogue as a couple is a big step. I mean, it says something, especially if we aren’t even engaged!”
I could kick myself! How could I do that?! Scaring off the Sweet Boyfriend is NOT a good idea!
So we proceeded to the garden. I flitted around… picking zucchinis and patty-pans while Sweet Boyfriend is off in a corner. La la la… no worries in the world.
Sweet Boyfriend says: “Babe! Come here! You have to see this!”
I come running. Is it a awesome squash? A yellow patty-pan? I come running. Just as I get to him, he turns around, looks me in the eyes and says: “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” I said.
“Can I put this thing on your finger before I drop it in the dirt?” Sweet Boyfriend said.
Of course. And though, after a touch of canoodling in the garden, I was ready to get back to picking… he informed me that it was all just a ruse to get me there. And there is champagne on ice at home. And we are going out to dinner.
Whoa, can this man plan!
When it was all said and done, he has been planning this for a while. He spoke to my father at break the fast after Yom Kippur, the day before, to get permission. His folks have seen and approved of the ring (and me).
He became a diamond expert and purchased me a stone cut in a vintage style… to match my vintage style… and he proposed to me in the garden we grew together.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 10,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
I must brag! We did it! We finished our thank you cards! Finally!
I had been warned that this was going to be the most time consuming and annoying part of the wedding. Every night, writing cards for months. But honestly, I enjoyed it. I love handwriting cards to friends and family. In fact, I have an 80-something year old pen pal in Chicago.
But all in all, I am proud of us. We wrote all of our thank you cards and I even made Dan in charge of his friends and family, for the most part, and he completed all of those last night!
WE DID IT!
(It was also fun because we loved our thank you cards which were designed for us by our awesome invitation designer, Brooke at Paper Candy Prints)
Then comes marriage…
Then comes a PUPPY!
The Haykins have expanded to three. Last week, we did our first adult thing since getting married… we adopted a puppy! She’s the cutest little thing ever.
- Name: Soba Schnoodle Haykin
- Breed: Schnoodle (Schnauzer/Poodle)
- Weight: 8 lbs
- Temperament: ADORABLE, sweet, calm, and playful
Here are some pics of our new little girl!
If you haven’t seen our wedding pictures yet (they are so amazing, thank you Dox Photo!), you may not have seen our great lighting! Mike from The Conference Experience came out and hung them all for us. We had a specific vision of garden lights hanging across the room. This was the design on our amazing invites (thanks to Paper Candy Prints) and we wanted to carry it through the whole event. Unfortunately it was pretty costly to rent these type of lights. SO Dan and I found them online at PartyLights.com and used a C7 string and G40 bulb (if you wanted those technical details). They were very low wattage which created a nice glow in the room and the awesome McNichols Building left up some illuminated art around the room. In addition, Mike added some up-lights and lighting for the band. His cost was VERY reasonable considering some of the quotes we got AND that he had to screw in 500 bulbs! I knew the wedding resale market is pretty good and that I could sell them after wedding… what I didn’t realize was that Mike would want them for his arsenal! So if you are looking for a similar feel as my wedding, be sure to call Mike! He has it!
Here are some pics to get an idea:
Hello ladies! In all my post-wedding glow, I have been trying to get some business done! That involves changing my name to Haykin (something I was very excited about but did not do without thought). It is kinda a jungle out there when it comes to name changing. There are a lot of resources but I found out somethings while I was doing it that I thought I would share. This is only the first part (as evidenced by the title) because we are tackling the credit cards and bank accounts next. Be sure to come back for that information.
Ok, let’s get started. The name change game actually begins BEFORE you get married, at least in Colorado. While I cannot verify this for other states, I will tell you how it works here and you can be prepared to ask the right questions.
- Marriage License:
This is a key part of changing your name. You can’t do ANYTHING without it. When we went to get our marriage license, the clerk asked us if we wanted certified copies. Why would we need them, we asked. Well, it turns out that some places want you to mail them a copy of your marriage license (though I have not yet run into that) but additionally, I felt a heck of a lot safer carrying around certified copies than carrying our ACTUAL marriage license around. When we picked up our license, we ordered three certified copies. See if you can do this as well, as it will save you time on the other side. It already took weeks to get the license back… I would have been sad to wait for copies too.
- Social Security Card:
This is your first stop once you have that marriage license in your hand. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. You can’t do anything else until you are in the SS system with your new name. As far as I can tell, the Social Security Administration does not take appointments for SS card issues. That means you have to stand in line. It took me 2 hours (and I got there before they opened) to get to the counter and talk to someone. My advice here? Read this PDF on how to change your name with Social Security and fill out the form at the end. Bring it with you to the office. This speeds things up because if you don’t, you will have to fill it out on-site. Notice they ask for SS numbers of your parents… yeah, I had to call my mom about that one! I don’t know how it works if you don’t have that information. Here is the document: Application For A Social Security Card. To find your local office, go here. At this appointment, you will need to bring:
- Marriage License
- Driver’s License
- And if you haven’t been there before… bring your passport just in case. They sometimes need evidence of age and US Citizenship and it can’t hurt to be prepared.
- Your application form
This process can be done by mail or in-person. I recommend in person because you cannot do anything else until your name is changed in the SS system. Once you have completed it on-site, you know when you can proceed to the next steps! You will not get your new card on-site. That takes a few weeks but they will give you a letter saying that it’s happening with your new name.
- Driver’s License:
Here’s something I didn’t see ANYWHERE when I was looking up how to change my name… You cannot go from the Social Security office to the DMV in the same day. I had set myself up to do that and was told I had to wait at least 24 hours for the system to update. Yikes. That means two separate days in government offices. Also, at least in Colorado, you can make DMV appointments. That is great! I was in and out in 20 minutes! Remember to check with your local DMV for their requirements. This is only based on my experiences. Once you are there, they will ask for all your documents and process you. If you wear glasses, you will get the vision test again and then they will call you up to take a new picture (SMILE) and sign your new name… yes ladies, sign you new name so practice before you go! Once you have waited 24 hours, here is what you need to bring to the DMV:
- Your old driver’s license (they will punch a hole in it because it isn’t valid anymore but I kept mine since my credit cards are still in my maiden name… weeee! I get to say maiden name!)
- Marriage License
- Letter from Social Security or your card (but really they will just look you up in their system)
- CASH OR CHECKS! Most DMVs will NOT accepts cards! Bring cash or checks. It costs $21 in Denver, Colorado.
- Proof of address if you have moved. This includes:
- Utility bill IN YOUR NAME WITH NEW ADDRESS
- Pay check stub IN YOUR NAME WITH NEW ADDRESS
- Credit Card statement IN YOUR NAME WITH NEW ADDRESS
- Phone bill IN YOUR NAME WITH NEW ADDRESS
- Mortgage or rent document IN YOUR NAME WITH NEW ADDRESS
- Tax document IN YOUR NAME WITH NEW ADDRESS
- Homeowners/renters insurance policy IN YOUR NAME WITH NEW ADDRESS
- Vehicle registration IN YOUR NAME WITH NEW ADDRESS
- Your Work:
This last piece I have for you is somewhat vague. Of course, let your work know that you are getting married and planning on changing your name. In my case, my husband came onto my insurance so there was a lot of paperwork to do. To change the name with our payroll company, I needed a marriage license and a copy of my new social security card. The best idea is to speak to your HR or Finance folks and ask the questions. Every workplace is different but don’t be afraid to have the conversation. In my office, I also had to put a work order in with IT to get a new email address. Who knows when they actually with start using my last name!
Well, that’s what I have for your today. Stay tuned, I will update you on the next steps!